January 9, 2007
3:59:00 PM
If only..
Its seem that these days im abit lost erm maybe alway lost..kinda dun know what im looking for in life and what i really want...alot of if only here and if only there..sometimes they made me so frustrated..if only these have happened the way i wanted..if only i do this...if only i can have this, if only time can stop..if only i can travel back to my past..if only...but the truth is time cannot be turn back...even if it can..what gonna happen to me if only i've make those changes i wanted to...i guess life is just too unpredictable..if i've manage to change anything..maybe i'll wanna go back again to unwind it..cuz in the end i might just find that what i think is correct before might not turn out too gd as im expecting..
well for instance i've alway wanted changes in my PSLE result..if only i can go back to my past and get a better result in pri sch, get a gd PSLE result and get into the sch i've opt for..come to think again..if that really gonna happen..i might not have even gotten to know Ian..maybe gd maybe bad..i think is bad more..Ian had boughth alot of happiness to my life..if i''ve nt gotten to know him i wunt be the me i am now..i might still be as lonely and miserable as before..i wunt have 5yrs plus of happiness, loves and kinship...no one accompany me to watch my favourite la bi xiao xin, no one help me with my paper cut, no one help me with those computer stuffs that im bad in, no one accompany me at night when im terribly lonely, no one calm me down when i have very bad times, i wunt have those memories i have when im trying to shops for things for him, when i do the couple babies paper cut for him(oh is almost like my very first paper cut)...i might not have a gd secondary yr, i might not get to know wen,mag,stephy,ore..etc..I really should feel happy that i've at least 3yrs of happy life in secondary sch..well maybe at that moment of time i dont felt it..but after so many yrs i really miss those days in sch..miss the times when all the gers hang out together at suntec...miss those times when we went to mag's house..miss those prata days..miss those times when all are study together(even though i dun really study much together with the gers cuz im too active cant sit still)...miss the waiting of N level result (abit nervous though)....
if only i have not choose to give up so many things in the past...but if not...i wunt have know my hubby, i wunt have know how people can be so different..i wunt have see those world that is outside my barrier, i wunt have gotten another kind of love, i wunt have come to realise love cannot be compare, how to just give and take a little, i wunt have come to realise how wilful i use to be, how fortunate i have been in the past, how i should more appreciating, how hubby much hubby had done for me...Ian wunt have gotten to know meimei..he wunt have be in love and get a taste of how fortunate life can still be with another ger who is so devoted to him..i wunt have gotten closer with wen, ore & stephy, nerd and mong..i wunt even know meimei one more new friend to my friend list..
even though i might have loose out alot..i've gain alot in other way..life dont alway go the way u want it to be..is not how u demand it to be is how u accept what come you way and appreciate it..at least you're still living and got alot of chances to amend..though it might not be the same anymore but u still got a chance to save alittle of it back... Haha didnt know i've typed so long..anyway..im on mc today and thats y i got so much times ti tyoe sure a long..and maybe no one understand blog..
until next time..
ElusiveCharm [Recorded on] 3:59:00 PM
****************************************
